Then you can get the goods here!

The Fart Soundboard…

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Hello to both readers out there! Welcome to the newest revision of ChewyKolchuk.com. There are some cool features with this theme that is currently in place, and while I’m still working out a few bugs, I’ll leave it up as is so you can give me feedback if you want to.

Notice that there is a Lead Article, as well as Featured Articles below it.  Those will be the most recent Lead and Featured Articles in chronological order, but know that not all posts will be Lead or Featured, so if you just want to see most recent posts, then click the Recent Post tab above this window.  This Lead Article window is supposed to have an image attached to it, but I haven’t used the specific code that makes it all work, so I’m working on getting it up and in place.

I hope to start posting more regularly, since I am now a year into my new career as a web developer and I suppose I should start becoming more cyborg-like if I’m to fully wrap my head around the culture and thus become a more rounded and experienced professional web dork.

Stay tuned!

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All I can say is, “Thanks, Doug!”

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Well, here’s how that works.  For a long time now, I’ve been pretty lax on posting to the site, and recent history hasn’t shown any different.  However, let’s review the tape from last week, shall we?

Firstly, we’ve had some cold-ish weather recently, and one night, when there was a good temperature inversion and it was foggy, I took some pictures of the sky.  That was fun.

Then, a few days later, Whitty had a birthday.  The whole deal was this:  He was turning 40 and since he grew up in AK where men are Men, and since you should be a Man by the age of 40, well he was going to have a Manly Birthday Party!  So he and a friend of his and I all decided that we were going to be Manly at his birthday party.  And we all went Redneck Style for whatever reason.  Knowing that the wardrobe is limited, I decided that I would up the bar a little bit.  So I shaved my head to look like male-pattern baldness.  OH YEAH!  Here are the photos of the party.  Please to enjoy…

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Hey folks, guess what? I won something! That’s right, you heard right, Chewy Kolchuk done won something for hisself, all by hisself! As it turns out, I had entered a caption into a contest being held by a Roanoke, VA newspaper back during the 1st week in December. It was to be a caption for a picture of a guy kissing a picture of Sarah Palin, whose image was on a bus. In situations like this where I want to retain some privacy, I log in using a junkmail acct, and that’s exactly what I’d done this time. Ready for the punchline?

I had no idea, cuz I’d been drinking when I entered the contest. So tonight as I was cleaning up my junkmail inbox, I came across an email from the guy who had set up the contest, and he was needing my address so he could mail my prize to me.

Well, howdy doo!  Details here.

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As I’m digging myself back out from underneath the rock I’ve been hiding under, I am remembering things that had an effect on me in recent months.  Two are as follows:

Cpt Pearson sent me a link a few months back that he thought should go on my site.  He was right.  Let’s go back a few years…

I think it was 7th or 8th grade when I first saw Iron Maiden on MTV.  I was hooked.  Why?  Well, my dad was a high school English teacher and in his syllabus, Greek mythology was featured.  He taught the creation story from the ancient Greek perspective as a teaching tool, and so I’d been hearing it most of my life and as a result, I thought (and still do) that Greek mythology was cool as hell.  (Don’t tell anybody, but all my computer devices have names deriving from the Greek pantheon [geeks do that - have a theme for naming all the devices in their network])

Okay.  So by 7th or 8th grade, I already had an interest in Greek mythology and one day I saw a video on MTV.  This video was for a song called Flight of Icarus.  ?!?!?!  WHAAAA????  What’s this?  Imagine my surprise when the lyrics actually accurately adhered to the subject matter, which I already had taken an interest in.

That’s why I took an initial interest in Iron Maiden and I must say, they haven’t disappointed.  Well…the 90s sucked for them, but the 90s sucked for a lot of viable music, so what do you do?  At any rate, I’ve always loved Maiden ever since then and so what’s my long-winded point?  It’s this:  Anything (in this case, Maiden) + Star Wars = AWESOME

Now…having said that…as if that wasn’t even enough… Peter, who sometimes goes by the name Meatbucket, recently turned me on to another phenomenon whereby somebody out there on the Internets tried to answer the question “What happens when you make Rush a doom metal band?”  Well, I’d have to say that Total Awesome is what happens.

Enjoy your day.

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Here I am, surfing the iPhone app store. I recently switched to AT&T so that I could start getting used to the iPhone, cuz Dave wants to write apps for it. So every day I try to think of what might make for a good app and then I search the app store at iTunes.

Recently I was looking for bicycle-related apps since I’m a bike dude, so I was searching terms like “cycling”, “bicycling”, “bikes”, “bicycles”, and when I typed in “cycle”, I found a bunch of apps concerning the ‘menstrual cycle’. WHOA!!! I mean, I guess that just makes sense, cuz that’s kind of a big deal for a number of reasons, all pertaining to one BIG thing that most young people want to avoid, so okay…there’s a bunch of apps for it. But you know…I got curious. So I downloaded one of them.

I feel like I just read my girlfriend’s diary or something! I opened some sort of Pandora’s box and it can never be closed again! This app is CRAZY!!! Okay, sure, you can type in the start and finish dates of your last period, as well as how long in between cycles it usually is, and then as time passes, it will become more predictive for you as to when your friend will next show up. That would seem to be standard fare. But delve a little further and it starts to make one (if male, like myself) feel a little crunchy, like I furnished a false password and am now in some place that I shouldn’t be. AND I’m about to be found out at any moment!

When you open the app, it asks you to furnish when you had your last period, and when you choose any specific date, there’s an option to choose whether you had intercourse or if your period started on that date. I chose intercourse. It then asked me if it was protected or unprotected! WHAT!!! Who are the dirty whores downloading this app?

Well, me, for one. But I digress.

When I went back into the setup portion (always start with a new program by setting up your preferences, it helps one understand just what the program in question is capable of) to adjust parameters, it asked me to input my Luteal Phase. Off to Google I went and found out what that shit meant. Then I was asked if I wanted my Fertile Days to be displayed. Uh, no.

So that was interesting to say the least. However, I was still doing research for the brilliant app that I have in mind and so I went back to the app store. I typed in more search terms and saw many apps that made differing levels of sense in my mind, from the idiotic-but-I-suppose-that-matters-to-some kind of apps to the (like the above-mentioned app) holy-crap-I-had-no-idea-because-I-don’t-live-there kind of apps. At one point though, and I suppose it just makes sense, I did stumble upon a couple of apps that were based on the sex-offender registry idea. Holy shit! If I know ONE thing, it’s Never Look Up Sex Offenders Online. Why? Because you’ll find out where they are! And they are in your neighborhood! Now…I don’t have children, so I don’t worry as much about this as some, but I don’t wanna know that shit! I’d like to think that the nice person walking their Akita at night in our neighborhood simply has that dog because it’s a beautiful animal, and not because they are fiercely loyal to ONE person and will fight to the death for them…and that maybe this person is a sex offender and they need that kind of protection. No thanks, I’d like to think otherwise as the dog (who is as big as a fucking horse) looks me right in the eye and silently challenges me every time I walk by. I’m stupid enough too, to fall for that shit…and I stare right back and the owner has to physically pull him along, cuz this dog ALWAYS wants a piece of me. Funny thing is…I KNOW that dog would rip me a new one too, but I can’t stop letting him know that I’m still higher on the food chain, or totem pole or pecking order. Whatever…try to light a lighter, pal. Try to hitch-hike. Not so easy with paws is it? Fuck you, I’m going to the bar!

Anyway, I learned something new today at the ol’ app store. There is always something out there for you, no matter what your taste.

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Today I’ve been doing laundry and setting up my audio recording station.  The audio recording setup dictates that it’s better to have an external HD to write/save files to so that you’re only using one hard drive for actually running the program and using another for the write/save function.  That makes it easier and faster for the whole process and is less taxing on system resources.

Got that?  Awesome.

To that end, I noticed that the hard drive I want to use for file saving is being goofy and won’t let me write to it.  No problem, I’ll just copy the files to another location and re-format the drive.  So I did.  Except that I was on autopilot and I accidentally erased the other partition in the same drive.  What did I erase?

60GB of MP3s.  CECIL CHRIST!!!!

Well, that sucks, but it’s done and I guess that makes things easier because now I don’t have to do quite as much work with the other project that I’d been thinking of.  That project is making sense of the various MP3 files that reside on the external HD, the desktop computer and the laptop.  Now instead of reconciling/consolidating 3 file locations, I only have to do that with 2.

Oh boy.

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