Hello to both readers out there! Welcome to the newest revision of ChewyKolchuk.com. There are some cool features with this theme that is currently in place, and while I’m still working out a few bugs, I’ll leave it up as is so you can give me feedback if you want to.
Notice that there is a Lead Article, as well as Featured Articles below it. Those will be the most recent Lead and Featured Articles in chronological order, but know that not all posts will be Lead or Featured, so if you just want to see most recent posts, then click the Recent Post tab above this window. This Lead Article window is supposed to have an image attached to it, but I haven’t used the specific code that makes it all work, so I’m working on getting it up and in place.
I hope to start posting more regularly, since I am now a year into my new career as a web developer and I suppose I should start becoming more cyborg-like if I’m to fully wrap my head around the culture and thus become a more rounded and experienced professional web dork.
One thing I’ve noticed in daily life is that humans place some importance on The Greeting and The Farewell. I suppose all social animals have some sort of ritual concerning this, but me being a human, I’ll only comment on that. Besides, I don’t want to write a dissertation about butt-sniffing just yet, so….back to the subject at hand.
You can tell a lot about how familiar two people are with each other, and indeed their perception of their social standing within each other’s circles just by how they greet and/or say goodbye to each other. For example, with my inner circle of friends, if I haven’t seen you in a while then I’m likely to give you a hug as a greeting. If I have seen you recently, then I may shake your hand on arrival, but I may still hug you on my or your exit. If I see you all the time, then you’re just as likely to get the finger as a quick high-five or even a fist-bump. Each of these gestures mean the same thing: “Hello friend of mine. I value your friendship highly and enjoy spending time with you. Please be at peace with yourself and to show you that I mean all of these things, here is a little physical contact to cement those emotions.”
The funny thing of all this is when shit gets lost in translation. I’m almost 40 years old and I have friends who range in age from their 50s and 60s down to their 20s. When I greet people older than myself, it’s all about the ‘old guard’ and ‘respect’ and whatnot, so a simple, firm handshake does the job. But when I run into buddies who are 10 years younger than I am, shit gets all awkward and hilarious.
…oh shit, I gotta leave soon cuz I have to work early in the morning. There’s Francois, and I’m gonna have to let him know I’m leaving, but I have no idea how he’s gonna shake my hand! Is he gonna give me the standard shake? Is it gonna be the homie handshake? Is a fist-bump involved, and if so, does it come at the head of the shake or the tail end? And what happens if I’m confronted with a grenade or a twizzler or a Cleveland Steamer? Oh shit, what the fuck do I do???
These are the kinds of things that run through my mind when leaving a dinner party and quite frankly it’s terrifying. I don’t care about appearing to be unhip or old or some crap like that, I just don’t know how to accurately convey my heartfelt and sincere gratitude for the camaraderie and fellowship that was shared during the preceding few hours. I don’t want to seem cavalier or disingenuous, due to my inability to “shake like the kids these days”, so a lot of angst and trepidation is involved during those moments just prior to leaving a social event with friends of varying ages.
Take a look at the video here and ask yourself, “How, exactly, did that one evolve?” Imagine leaving a swanky dinner party sponsored by the Golden State Warriors and running into this guy on your way out the door. I think I’d pass out from sheer fright.
Notice that not only does he get his shake on with one of the venue’s staff, but he’s able to pull of that handshake while NOT EVEN PAYING ATTENTION! He’s yelling at some other guy the whole time, not even looking at the guy he’s shaking hands with.
