tales from the liver, pt. 1
WELCOME TO ALASKA, YOU HAVE BEEN ISSUED YOUR CASE OF RAINIER
Hello there Internets, how have you been? Me? Fine. No, that’s not true. While I’ve generally been excellent, I’ve also been putting myself through a week of such non-stop debauchery that I think I’ll refer to it as Non-stop Debauchery.
As both readers of this website are aware, I’m up in Juneau, attending my 20th high school reunion. This coincides with the 4th of July weekend, and in addition to all that, I’m in AK, which means “Fuck Texas, Texas is for pussies…we know how to party, and our days are much longer, so put that in your pipe and shove it up your ass!” I think I heard my liver say that one just before it passed out, but whatever…
The story really started back on Tuesday, June 30th. Because I had such an early flight, I decided I wasn’t going to go to sleep the night before and I just stayed up, watching TV and whatnot until Brent picked me up at 4am and gave me a ride to the airport. THANK YOU, sir! Getting through the airport was so easy because of the early hour, and before I knew it, I was on an empty plane and we were in the air, Alaska-bound. Hey…I could get into this. I got my own row, and a fully charged iPod and I’m set! Oh…here comes the flight attendant…drink? Why yes, I’ll have an Alaskan Amber, thank you. And another, thankyouverymuch. By the time I landed before 8am, I was feeling like Tony the Tiger. Little did I know…
In typical fashion, Zeno showed up JUST as I was going to lay down for a nap, right around 10am. And as follows in a situation like that, he and I started getting into the beer that Mom had stocked the fridge with. Hey, I’m on vacation and besides, “When in Rome…”, right? So after finishing up the 6pack, we decided it was time to go to the store for more, so Mom took us to Breeze In for supplies. Sandwiches and beer for us and cigarettes for her.
As I set the sandwiches and the beer on the counter (at noon), I asked the guy for the proper brand of smokes and he started in on the Standard Cashier Small Talk.
He: “Hey you guys going fishing?”
Me: “Yeah, for beers in the front yard”, at which point me n Zeno and the other 3 customers kinda giggled, cuz I’m sure they were in the same frame of mind that we were in.
He: “Well I’d say you stand a good chance of catching SOMETHING.”
Me: “Yeah, an STD probably”, I said, which cracked us all up pretty good, to the point that Zeno started to leave cuz he was already eating his sandwich and was running the risk of spitting it out from laughing too hard.
At that point, one of the other customers said to me, “You sound almost happy when you say that.”
So I replied, “Hey I just got to town 3 hours ago, I’m NOT leaving town empty-handed, you know?”
And I left with a bunch of people giggling in my wake. Not bad for the first 3 hours. Little did I know…
When Aaron showed up after his day at work, we went and picked up Zeno’s brother and headed out to meet some of the other folks who were in town for the reunion. The rest of the night consisted of pizza and drinking and bar-hopping until I woke up the next day, at home (where I should be), without a hangover amazingly, and listening to Aaron on the phone telling me that Zeno can’t find his shoes.
SUCCESS!
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