I know that I shouldn’t whine about nice weather, especially living in the Northwest and having grown up in SE Alaska.  However, I’m not a big fan of being sweat-rolling-off-the-nose hot when I’m just sitting or standing there, not exerting myself at all.  My forearms have that sheen of sweat that makes me look like I’m a greasy person to boot.

But instead of whining and bitching about nice weather, let me just say that all the shitty free pens that we have around in the office…the ones that don’t write for shit…they all write really nicely right now.  The heat has made the ink warm up and the pens now make thick, dark lines and I can read everything!

Awesome!  Silver lining!  Now, where did I put that bag of frozen corn I had in my shorts?

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I saw this today at DrunkCyclist.com and was inspired to write a post of my own.  Not poetry, mind you, just something inspired by what Big Jonny had to say.

I haven’t owned a motorized vehicle in 5 years.  You pretty much don’t need to own one, at least not here in Seattle.  I rarely need more groceries than I can fit in my backpack.  Where I live everything is 5 miles away, since Seattle is squished between Lk Washington and Puget Sound, and when I do want to venture out to Whitty’s place out on the other side of Lk Washington, that’s still only 30 miles away.  Very doable by bike.  For those times when lazyness sets in, there’s public transportation.  No problem.

As a bike commuter, my legs are usually a little bit sore at all times.  Not like the day after your first ski day of the year, but a dull roar that lets you know that you rode your bike today.  Every day.  So my favorite part of the day is when I first jump into bed at night and I can stretch my legs to their full length and then just relax and lay there for a moment and feel relaxed and ready for sweet sweet slumber.

That’s all I had to say…

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I just went for coffee.  I was paying for it when I heard the lady in line behind me order an iced something with 3 decaf shots.

No shit, an Iced Triple Decaf Something.

I’m confused.  Did she want a LOT of no caffeine, or was she making sure that she DIDN’T get a lot of caffeine?

Welcome to the American Dream.  We don’t want much, but we want a lot of it!

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It’s called the slayer siren.  I discovered it today.  You must go there now.  Turn the speakers up, or turn them down, do what you need to, but go.

Enough said.

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I just got off the phone. I was talking to one of my closest friends when, in closing the conversation down, he said something like this: “Alright buddy, I’ll talk to you later. In fact if I don’t call you this weekend, that’s because I’m in jail.”

Thing is, we both knew he was serious.

I love the random shit that life throws at you.

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1. Why is it that when you scroll through channels and you see a program where they’re fighting in a cage, it’s always two guys in the missionary position, looking like they can’t decide if they wanna fight or fuck?  I mean, latent homosexuality is one thing, and I imagine by looking at these meatheads that they’d just as soon kick a faggots ass as talk to him, but it’s something else when it’s every fight on every program on every station that you see…  Somethings going on, zeemzane?

2. I have seen two new shows on tv that I’m not certain about.  I can’t figure out if they suck horribly, or if they’re totally awesome.  Maybe you can comment and help me figure it out.  First up, Burn Notice.  It takes place in Miami and is about a former spy who got hosed (burned…and apparently notified too) by someone or someones in his agency and now he simultaneously freelances as a job-getter-doner for various unsavory types while trying to figure out who noticeably burned him.  It’s kinda cheesy and predictable, with the main character being hot and ripped (good looking and muscular, not running a fever while being drunk, like me) and his female cohort being a former love interest and she too is hot and ripped.  But it’s fun to see what trouble they get themselves into and subsequently out of, and how they get themselves out of said trouble.  Hmmmm….I’m on the fence on this one.  I may have to watch 57 more hours of Hotty von Cohort’s midriff to make certain exactly how I feel.

Second program I’m not sure about is In Plain Sight.  It’s about a female federal marshall who has a heart of gold and does everything she can, including bend the rules from time to time, to see that her Witness Protection Plan enrollees are safe and treated fairly.  I thought it might be cool, because the main character is played by Mary Somethingorother who was on The West Wing as a Secret Service agent.  So I decided to watch an episode.  The acting in a couple scenes was worse than what you get with RPG videogames from Japan, but overall it was pretty good.

I don’t know.  I’m not certain about either one.

3.  When is it going to be summer?  It’s frikn June 13th and we have had rain and cold and crap and shit and lame-ass weather since….1924?  I don’t know but I’m ready for some warm, sunny swimming weather.  Is that too much to ask?

4.  If Zeno tells a story and nobody is around to hear him, is he still gonna get the details all wrong?  I’m here to ask the important questions!

5. Why is it that the Jehovah’s Witness folks would try to recruit more members if they believe that only 144,000 people are going to heaven?  Aren’t there already 144,000 members?  Do they believe in mathematics?  I’m confused.

6. Since we’re on the subject, have you ever read the first 10 or 20 pages in the book of Mormon?  What the FUCK is that all about?  I, Joseph Smith, was wearing magic goggles that enabled me to see certain stuff and I convinced two others that it was true, and we three convinced eight more, and now it all MUST BE TRUE!!!  Nope, sorry.

7. I’m glad Barack Obama is the Democratic Nominee and here’s why.  He’s a newbie.  Many people don’t like the fact that he has no track record and that he’s unproven and you know what?  He can’t fuck it up any worse than the people in the last decade have.  Being a newbie, he won’t be as indoctrinated to doing things a certain way just because It’s Always Been Done That Way.  And along those lines, how about new term limits?  Every single office from President down to state senator or city council, even, should have a one-term limit.  Then no one person (AK senators perhaps?) can hang out indefinitely, fucking up the program in a slow and inexorable way.

Whatever, I’m outta here.  I’m gonna go home and make sure that nothing weird happens today on Fri the 13th, and shit.  I get to get up at 5am and drive my buddy and his family to the airport, so that’s going to be Extra Special Awesome!

I’m hungry and whatever I eat, I want it to have garlic in it.  So there!

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I know it’s a week after the fact, AND I know that it’s no longer called the Ballard Crit, but I also use the terms Seahawks Stadium and FRENCH fries, so eat my shorts! Maybe pommes frites, but NEVER, EVER would I use the term freedom fries, for obvious reasons.

So, back to the subject matter that was previously being discussed. Ballard Crit. Some folks who aren’t into bikes will need some clarification, and DP, I’m gonna need your help ID’ing some of the riders. So crit is short for criterium race. A criterium race is a race that is held on a short course, usually less than a mile in length, and the riders do laps around the course for a set length of time. The time period depends on the Category of riders that are racing, and usually lasts between 35 and 75 minutes, with European pro crits lasting 90 minutes in some cases. These races are bonkers, mainly because the length of time is so short that people are able to go full tilt for the entire race. I heard my Dutch buddy Ol’ Splinterfoot say one time, “I can fake anything for an hour.”, and that’s just about it. Balls to the wall… The downside to that (or upside, depending on where you’re at) is that one needs bike-handling skills in a crit, because there is a lot of jostling going in the pack and when everybody is bunched up going around a sharper-than-90-degree corner, it can get hairy.

I went down to the race while the Cat 4s and 5s were going off and I met up with Dave R, and we watched and got food and hung out. I took a couple photos here and there. Then Dave left, but I wanted to stay and take more pics. So when the Pro/Cat1/2 race went off, I got myself right there at the first corner with my camera at the ready. It was dry, so there weren’t any spectacular wrecks, but here are some of the photos I got.

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For those of you who think you know what quality is…

For those of you who only drink microbrews…

For those who turn their noses up at Rainier…

http://www.usatoday.com/news/offbeat/2004-08-18-beer-bear_x.htm

Yeah, it’s an old link, but it’s still solid.

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Of course, you’ll never get to see it.

What the hell am I talking about? Let me tell you…

It would appear that there’s a McCain gift shop out there on the internets, and as a good little American consumer, you can buy stuff that says you’re a True Patriot!!! Awesome, huh?

Not really. All politicians are douchebags, but the republicans generally are above and beyond in their self-righteousness and I’d rather not give them any money, even if they were selling cases of Rainier for a dollar apiece.

What I find awesome is that somebody somewhere in the McCain organization must have said, “We can have a website where we sell GOP and McCain stuff! We’ll make it look just like Company X’s site, and you can leave comments on the products you buy and EVERYTHING!!!” Normally that might be cool, but when you’re a douchebag politician, you have to realize that SOMEBODY out there may not agree with all your bald-faced lies the way you and your party mates do. And those somebodies may be more savvy to the internets than you are. I wonder if the GOP boys have ever been to Fark and seen the comments that people leave there. Well, at any rate, at the gift store site you were able to leave comments, but no longer. Here’s why:

And there’s one in every bunch…. Don’t you love how the one guy whose handle is True American Patriot for McCain is asking a legit question about the origin of McCain’s balls? If he were a TRUE American Redneck it wouldn’t matter simply because the balls weren’t made in America. Whatever.

It’s a moot point anyway because they took the commenting ability down real fast, needless to say. Big huge thanks to Dudeman for sending me the screenshot he took. You rule.

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If you can pull this off, then by all means it is incumbent upon you to just sit back and let people take notice.

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