urban assault
Hello folks…
I few weeks back…QUITE a few weeks back…my buddy Dave (R, not S, Wh or W) and I decided we were going to enter this race cuz it looked like fun. Luckily for me, I got my new bike in time for the race, cuz the race is this Sunday. The cool thing is that I’ve been off the bike for, ohhhh…I don’t know….months now? Pathetic… I start huffing and puffing about a block from the house at this point. But at least Dave is going to be jetlagged from a 10hr flight from Manila. So my guess is that the only goal is not to end up DFL (dead fucking last), which even though it’s just for fun, might become a reality, huh? Hmmmmm…
Well, the event organizers set it up so that they send out a bonus quiz via email, and your start time is affected by how well you do in that quiz. So I was all fired up to take the quiz, cuz hey, I’m reasonably intelligent, and I do well with tests usually…bring that shit on!!! Oh yeah, and we’re going to be so slow, that every little bit of help is gonna help, ya know? So today I was out in the field, working on bikes for employees of a major company here in the NW that makes computer operating systems that crash a lot, when I used my phone to get online and take this quiz, cuz I KNEW I was going to be responsible for us starting first right? Right!
Not so fast, junior…
I had to click a link to another site and take this quiz, and the whole accessing-the-internet-with-my-phone scenario wasn’t working, so I had to wait until I got home, and to a real computer to take the quiz. And wouldn’t you know…the entire quiz is basically a scavenger hunt in itself, based on viewing the various sponsors’ websites and coming up with information hidden deep within the hierarchy of said sites.
I call bullshit! I don’t want to sift through all the crap about how green each of these companies are. And not because I don’t give a shit…quite the opposite…I’m singing in the damn choir, don’t tell me I need to sell my car and ride a bike! I’VE WORKED IN THE BIKE INDUSTRY FOR 15 DAMN YEARS AND I HAVEN’T OWNED AN INTERNAL-COMBUSTION ENGINE SINCE 2003. Zeemzane? Shut up, I just wanna start earlier so that I can get back and eat burritos and drink beer earlier. Zeem-fukn-zane?
The funny thing is, Dave is excellent at this kind of shit (he is, after all, my webmaster and a cyborg himself, more machine than man), but he’s in the Philippines dammit! I know I could say, “Hey, take this test and send it in, asshole!”, but he’s there on business. He doesn’t have time for this silly shit!
So I say, “Later this stupid crap, I’m outta here.” Dave will have to settle for a late start and we’ll have to just work smarter, not harder to achieve our goal of not taking the DFL prize.
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