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andrew, you may have to retire those jeans…

January 10th, 2008 Leave a comment Go to comments

Not because they’re way too stylish or because they cost in the neighborhood of $200 (although…), but because Michael Ball is starting to sound like the biggest of all of the douchebags on the entire planet.

It’s way too late, and I gotta go to bed, but I’m seeing more and more of this guy and I don’t know if I wanna punch him in the nuggets, or if I wanna sit back and watch. Here’s a quick recap for those who don’t follow cycling. Michael Ball owns the Rock and Republic jeans company. Remember Jordache jeans in the 70s? I was too young to want them, but I remember Brooke Shields posed in their ads, so I knew they were the shit. Well Rock and Republic is the new Jordache or some shit like that. Ask Andrew, he’d know… Anyway, this guy knows all about fashion and apparently nothing about bikes or bike racing or the culture or any of that. He just wants to cash in on it. ??? Cash in? On what? Cycling as a sport isn’t sexy like all those other sports you see on TV that have dancers and flashy logos and halftime shows and drivers who only turn left. It’s a bunch of sweaty A-type personalities trying to ride their bicycles faster than the skinny little guy next to them. Oh yeah, and the sport is in the middle of a drug-scandal. As in, everybody in the sport is affected by it. Barry Bonds may be juicing, but that doesn’t mean that nobody else gets to hit a homer, it just means that he will hit more than the next guy. In cycling, the dopers are stronger and faster and the non-dopers just cannot keep up. Simple as that. No level playing field. And since it’s the dopers generally who keep winning races, they are the ones who can afford the ‘medical programs’ that dope them up. And so on, and so on… WHOA!!! Tangent! Anyway, why would some douchebag who sells overpriced Paris Hilton pants for guys want to dump his cash in cycling of all sports? Is he gay? Oh wait…why else would Capt Fashion Pants want to surround himself with sweaty guys in tights? WHOA!!! Another tangent!
So why is Michael Ball a douche? Other than pricing his leg covers in the WAY over $50 range, he seems to think that he can just buy whatever he wants. Meaning entire bike companies and parts manufacturers, and he seems to think that he’ll do it better than the people who have already been doing it for years. I admire confidence, but this guy seems arrogant and clueless. He did mention a year or so ago that he was going to start a pro cycling team that was going to go from literally non-existent to being a team that would be invited to the Tour de France. I thought that to be a bold statement at the time, and he seems full of bold statements.

Yesterday on Drunkcyclist.com was this article. At one point, it’s brought up to him that his team wouldn’t be eligible for the Tour because of its team status, i.e., how it was registered with the governing body. Can you say ‘clerical error’? I can’t, but I can say ‘Majorly Colossal Fuckup’. How does he respond?

“No shit? Well I’ve got look into that right away,” he said with a laugh. “That would be shame if we did get invited [to ProTour caliber events] and we couldn’t go.”

Who’s at the bridge, dumbshit? Gilligan?

Then tonight I read this post. So Adrian Montgomery of Scott USA says it’s more fun to watch it from a distance… I guess that’s good enough for me. Besides, douchebag is gonna punch himself in the nuggets if he keeps this shit up.
Bon appetit

P.S. Andrew…you can wear whatever jeans you see fit to wear. Just as long as we don’t both show up at the German bar wearing the same Ritchey jersey then I’m okay with whatever…

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  1. Andrew
    January 14th, 2008 at 15:06 | #1

    The more I read about that Michael Ball douche the more I want to see him crushed by a garbage truck.

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