chewykolchuk.com

You know what’s total and utter fucking bullshit?  My friends.  Not all of them, just MOST of them.  Which ones, you ask?  How about Mark, Aaron, Dave, Shanna, Dave, Dave, Kristi, some other ones, and now Brent.  Why are they so full of shit?

Cuz they have kids.

Mind you, I don’t mind kids.  In fact, I love kids.  Other people’s kids.  However, since all of these kids are in various stages of development, and therefore various different ability levels in the mimicry department, I now have to quit cussing when I’m over at MY friends”s’s'ss houses.  What kind of bullshit is that?  They are MY friends, and so I should be able to CUSS at them, or with them, whenever I want, but NOOOOOOOOOO, little ears are always present.  Jesus christ, it’s bad enough if there’s a girlfriend asleep upstairs who’s going to wake up and be a complete raging bitch because we’re being way too loud watching Star Wars or playing video games or some crap at 2am, but KIDS?  I can’t not cuss, dammit!!!

Forget it.  It’s over.  I’m gonna go nibble on a sawed-off and be done with it.

Ta-ta…

Popularity: 1% [?]

Today I was on the phone with a vendor, asking them for product information and whatnot.  I placed an order for a pair of bike lights, and at the end, when all of the business had been conducted, the nice lady on the other end of the phone asked, “Is there anything else I can do for you today?”  So I said, “I wish I had a pony.”

That earned me about 2 full seconds of silence.

Sometimes you just gotta spice it up.  Try this:  Call your favorite pizza joint, and order whatever you want but throw one outlandish ingredient in there.  “Yeah, could I get a large deep-dish, olives, onions and acorns?”

Try it…

Popularity: 2% [?]